Yesterday before sister came home, I was actually lying on the bed thinking about my life now. One of my friend in the clique keeps on reminding me about retaining which I really HATE it so much. She always like to say things like "Even yall(yy and I) are 18 alrd, we are still 17" or like "#happygirl96" kind of stuffs. This made me miss my 95 batch so muchhhhh. I hate it when they always say that I am older. Because the reason why I am older is the fact that I retained. Plus I don't like to text my friends about what happened in my life but I realised some of them in my clique always text each other. Like I feel quite left out... Maybe I am too anti-social but this makes me feel even worse. I don't even feel like going for outings or anything now. :( So the more I think about it, the more sad I became. In the end, I was crying my heart out on the bed. It lasted until I replied my sis wechat. At least after crying I felt a bit better. Now, I am drifting away from my friends, intentionally and unknowingly. No more common topics, no more study dates, rare common free times, tons of reasons to separate me from my sec friends. Especially when we are no putting in the efforts to meet too.. Feeling alone and sad, one year age difference, retaining, separate me from my jc clique. I am not as sociable as my retainee friend, like she will text/wa many ppl in the class. I only line with apple? I guess. Ohya, and I also don't like it when someone texts me, all she asks is homework!!! Like do I look like a problem-solving machine? PLEASE. She would not text me about fun stuffs but all question and question and question. TOTALLY TURN OFF AND PURPOSELY TAKE SUPER LONG TO REPLY. But I am proud to be a MUGGER now, I was totally wrong in 2012 when I did not want to be a mugger. Study is definitely one of the most impt things. Forget about all the fun and focus on studying. Anw not looking forward to cny this year. Hais. Do not even feel like visiting. Not like there is ang bao. Dance trying to convince me to go the stupid reunion lunch. SORRY TOO BAD IT IS GOING TO FAIL. I swear I am not going. DAMN FUCKING SURE ABOUT IT. Why bother to go with people with no common topics and all they are going to talk about would be lives after As. Not like I am not sad enough about it. Definitely don't want to spoil my mood for that day and waste my time going. JUST GONNA BE A LONER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Instead of living in a world full of hypocrites, I would rather live alone.